remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
