'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
