this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
