Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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