I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
