in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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