community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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