I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
