I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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