The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. �Hello 29...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
