420 ftw
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
