You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
