i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
