would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
