I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just had sex on a roof
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
