If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
