Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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