anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
