Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
