best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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