For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
