I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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