Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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