From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
