well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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