we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My dick has a subreddit
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
