My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
