I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
