I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
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