Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Randomize
