I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
