I CAN MOONWALK!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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