You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
