Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
