dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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