i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
