I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
