Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
