i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
