Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
