Even the bartender felt bad for me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
