I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
