hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
