Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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