just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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