The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
