our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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