last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
she looked like the before picture.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Randomize
