There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
