Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
